Conceit

I am a garden. New things planted in the soil and the old, dead, and unwanted taken out. Trampled on by little kids playing ball nearby. A change throughout the seasons and new friends made and gone. When sadness strikes the petals are lost for someone else to find. One year gone another to come and when the beauty fades there is none.

Black

So I was thinking about different templates and background colors and what not. Like gmail just recently gave the option of customizing your background and when you sign up for myspace, you get the same choices. When I signed up for this silly thing, I was presented with options as well.

Through all of this, I learned something about myself. I always pick a black background. Just check. My myspace blogging area has a black background as well.

I wondered why...The answer came very quickly. I feel like I can hide in the black somehow. I have this one lined notebook. The pages are BLACK. I write in white pen when I write in that thing.

Is that deep or retarded.

Deep Breath

Deep breath. My eyes meet hers and I have to turn away. My heart beats faster. Deep breath. She walks towards me and tries to pull me closer. I can't look into her eyes for fear of losing myself. Deep breath...just...keep...breathing. She grabs my chin forcing me to look her in the eyes. Deep breathe...slower breaths...can't breathe. My chest rises and falls as we gaze into each others eyes. I find myself gasping for air as I look further and further into her eyes. Why am I here. Why do I do this to myself. Suddenly, my world disappears. Nothing surrounding me exists any longer. I feel as if an atomic bomb has hit and the entire world has turn to dust, yet here we stand...intact...without a scratch. I feel safe when I am with her. Nothing can happen to me while I stand here. Her eyes are my salvation. Her hands are my comfort. Her arms are my walls. No one can come in and no one will be coming out...ever. Deep...breath...come on you can do it...deep breath.

Our bodies are pulled closer and closer together. My heart is pounding. If I get closer she might be able to feel the pounding. Deep breath. Please stop... She pulls me closer. By now my breathing is not existent. I can't feel anything. She presses her lips against mine. She fills my body with air. I am breathing again. Deep breath.

My eyes meet hers and I have to turn away. My heart beats faster. Deep breath.